I've decided to try something and see if it flies or not. Expect one of these little gems about every Thursday. Yep, I screw up at least that often. Anyway....here goes! I hope you find my lack of good judgement to be funny. After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves, it's really mean to laugh at everyone else!
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Redneck Cautionary Tales are just that - cautionary. Do not try this at home. Be smarter than me. It's not really all that hard to do.
It's been a long, rainy summer here, and we just recently got the string trimmer running. The weeds are tall - some of them as tall as me. I know string trimmers are really made to trim the tall grass around the base of trees or under fences, but I figured using the trimmer to cut the tall weeds would be OK.
I was wrong.
First of all, when the trimmer is going full-tilt, it still needs a little time to 'wear away' at those thick, woody stems. If you're not paying attention, the string will actually get wrapped around one, and it'll come near pulling the trimmer right out of your hands. Fighting a string trimmer is not fun, and leaves a body really, really sore.
Meanwhile, there is plant matter flotsam everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. Places we don't mention in polite company. When you mow, all the flotsam shoots out the shooting-out place on the side of the mower, but with a string trimmer, everywhere is the shooting-out place. My clothes are green, my shoes are green, my neck is green, and there are chunks of flotsam stuck to my glasses. It's itchy and unpleasant.
But the unpleasant-est part of all was when I was bush-hogging under the peach tree. The weeds were a few feet tall, but fairly tender, so they were falling, and falling fast. It was going well. I was beginning to think this was actually kinda great. About that time, that moment when I thought, 'Hey, this is kinda great', something flew up and hit me about 6 inches below my right shoulder.
It did not subsequently fall to the ground - no. Rather, it took its eight long spider legs and started crawling UP. Much as I wanted to drop the trimmer and run, I have a shoulder strap on the trimmer, and couldn't get free of it....so I simply ran, screaming, flailing, (swearing), but mostly screaming and flailing, until there was no more gargantu-spider on me anymore. At least....I think it's gone.
You know what happens to all those little bits of flotsam after you've flailed yourself free of a spider, don't you? They all start to feel like little, creepy spider legs, all skittery and oogy. They don't make showers hot enough or long enough to make that better. I had to use the shower scrubbie for rather a long time to recover.
And that, dear friends, is why I cannot recommend using the string trimmer as a Bush-Hog. It makes you sore and itchy, and when it gets tired, it throws spiders at you.
Aren't you glad you aren't my neighbor?
-Laura at TenThingsFarm
If you have a Redneck Cautionary Tale that you'd like to see written up and shared with the world, send it to me at email@example.com I'll write up the ones that hit me upside the head just right, and then credit the person who shared with their first name, state and blog address, if you have one. Send me some funny, y'all!
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